10 Things Pokémon Should Do Right Now

Ever thought about things that Nintendo could actually do to make Pokémon more epic than the the word epic itself? Chances are you have, and chances are that some of the stuff listed below are things that will make you go "Oh! I thought so, too!" Here's my Top Ten List of Things Pokémon Should Do Right Now.

1. Make a game where you can visit all main game regions.

Sure, BW was pure epic, with its deeper-than-before story, richsauce graphics and improved gameplay, but wouldn't it be nice to make a game where you can actually visit Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, Sinnoh and Unova throughout your journey? Just imagine how much time you'll burn trying to catch 'em all while hopping from one cool region to another.

Exactly what you'll look like thirty days into the game.

2. Make an R/S/E remake!

Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald were the bestselling GBA games of all time. What about it? We all know that there is a reason for it to be on top. That reason, ladies and gents, is AWESOMESAUCENESS. Just pure AWESOMESAUCENESS. Everything about the games were right! They were all ahead of their time and it showed doubters that Pokémon was sooo not going down the drain.

Also, Mudkipz.

Also, Hoenn's the only main game region which appeared in only a single generation. Hoenn needs JUSTICE!


3. Make some sort of a Create Your Own Pokémon Design Contest for the fans. The winning entry gets the chance to turn into REAL Pokémon!

Let's face the fact: some Unova Pokémon sucked big time in terms of design (yes, we ARE looking at you, Stunfisk). A lot really look cool enough to pass for a Pokémon, but others were just pure garbage (you get it, Garbodor?).

This Pokémon despises Trubbish. So yeah, hide yo Trubbish, hide yo Garbodor.

Would it not be epic to see drool-worthy Pokémon designs that people like us designed? Think about it. Maybe there's more to Pokémon than an evolving ice cream. Maybe flying god-like doomsday bringers are in right now.

Oh.

4. Make more frightening game antagonists.

Kidnapping Pokémon, altering the natural weather, trying to control time and space and separating humans from the purty handy creatures sound reaaally evil, but did you notice something every time you defeat the game's "evil" organization?

"I told you to stay away from my teddy, Kyogre!"

The bosses disappear. Just like that. You give the world a truckload of weather problems and you just go dancing around the region after some random kid unleashes a dragon that put a stop to the weather monsters you summoned. No jail time for you too, because people see that you've turned over a new leaf or some sort of crap like that. WHY DO THAT?! You can try and summon the monztahs again and piss everyone off just for the hell of it! Ride the S.S. Anne without a pass! Throw rocks at Goldenrod Gym's windows ('cause that Miltank's just as annoying!)! Kidnap kids and make them search for hidden treasure with their Zigzagoon! Be evil, dude! Be reaaaaaally evil!

Also, if you're a Boss, stop stealing your grandma's clothes.

5. Do an all-new anime about the video games. With all the drama the original series doesn't have, of course.

Pokémon B2/W2's animated trailer pretty much sums up everything about this one.

After seeing the game trailer, they knew for sure that their end was near.

6. Make Pokémon TCG a WHOLE LOT CHEAPER.

Every ten seconds, a kid from the Philippines dies from Pokémontooexpensiveimea, a deadly disease caused by grieving too much over a Pokémon TCG booster pack from a local department store that he knows he will never be able to buy (because it's too freakin' expensive). Share this blog post and help save the children in need of one.

For more information, visit rubbishiswhatyourereadingrightnow.net.

You are but a distant dream, green snake thing.

7. Make a Misty/Brock special or something.

Everybody loves 'em. Nobody-- not even a ten-year-old League Champion or a noob Pokémon coordinator could replace them in our hearts. So to Satoshi Tajiri and the rest of the Pokémon crew, if you're reading this, make something really expensive in honor of these two epicsauce characters we've grown to love deep in our hearts (awww). Like, I don't know, a reality show or something.

Even a 30-minute Rock, Paper, Scissors match between the two will do.

8. Bring back Jessie and James' Weezing and Arbok.

Again, who hates these guys?

HUWEEHING!

STARBUCKSA!

9. Team up with other companies to make MORE title crossovers.

Pokémon Conquest was actually a really good game. I think the guys at Nintendo need to keep it coming and do these other crossovers, too.

• Pokémon: The Dark Descent
• The Legend of Pokémon
• Street Fighter Pokémon
• Pokémon Kart Kanto
• Pokémon Kinect Rocket (free Giovanni's workout guide)
• Pocket Monsters' Creed 1, 2, 3, 3.5, 3.5 Overload, and Uber4.
• Call of Duty: Ghetsis Strikes (Your) Back
• Nii Fit

So adorable, until he burns your soul.

10. MAKE A FREAKIN' ONLINE RPG!

A world where WoW fits perfectly. Wooooowee.

Pokémon on Steroids. That would be a great title.

Heaven.

Bonus: Minus down on being too much child-friendly.

Sometimes, being kid-friendly chokes you so hard that you can't even show people in the sea wearing bathing suits. Hello? What are they supposed to wear, meat dresses?

Oh, I'm sorry. That's not good for kids, too.

Anything I've missed? Feel free to share it in the comments section below!

That's it for now, dudes. Stay tuned for more deets! Later!